Joe Queenan says the real March Madness is Bad Basketball:
Last spring, the Butler Bulldogs, ostensibly a basketball team, shot 18.8% from the field in the NCAA championship game against the Connecticut Huskies. It was the worst title-game shooting percentage ever. It was also the worst championship game ever.
The debacle—Connecticut didn’t shoot much better—gave hope to those of us who feel afflicted by college basketball. Might it finally persuade the Justice Department to investigate why the sport is taken seriously by sentient adults? (I, for one, think that gambling might have something to do with it.) We also hoped that the NCAA might suspend Butler so the players could take a year off and learn to shoot. But alas, none of this happened, and March Madness is again upon us.
“When I think back on Joe Paterno’s legacy, the events of the last two months won’t even cross my mind.”
This kid is amazing. His name is Johnny McIntee and he plays for UCONN.
I have no idea how any of this will translate to the pro game, but holyshitballsthisisamazing.
Obvious Curt Hennig wannabe.
I really had no strong feelings about UConn coach Geno Auriemma, but now I see why so many people hate him.
“A bunch of women are threatening to break a men’s record, and everybody is all up in arms about it,” he said about whatever it was his team was doing. “All the miserable bastards that follow men’s basketball and don’t want us to break the record are all here because they’re pissed.”
Couple things, here. First, I didn’t even know the “men’s record” off the top of my head, nor do I care about it. Second, his team can no more “break” that mark than Wayne Gretzky’s 92 goals broke Roger Maris’s 1961 home run record, Sergei Bubka’s highest pole-vault eclipsed the best time run by Secretariat, or another Oscar nomination for Meryl Streep finally gives her the one she needs to tie Pete Rose’s seventeen All-Star appearances.
Those of us who enjoy the game played well are not miserable at all. In fact, any reasonable basketball fan would be made more miserable by bricked set-shots, mundane layups and rebounds that take forever to be grabbed.
The fact that Auriemma felt compelled to make such a comment proves he knows I’m right.
If networks want to continue to waste time and money pretending otherwise, they’re allowed. As long as David Stern is happy pouring away NBA dollars to subsidize the yearly millions of dollars of WNBA losses, he can. It’s all part of the big, expensive miscalculation that the good intentions of equal-rights support can convince people that the empress is clothed in the finest robes.
It’s over now, of course, this latest, occasional period of time that reminds us briefly of women’s basketball, and some of the bitter people involved in it.
It only seems appropriate that Gus Johnson had the call of yesterday’s Hail Mary in Jacksonville—and that the NFL would then quickly try to remove the clip from YouTube (though it’s still here … for the moment). He was actually asked at E3 to reenact his call of Brandon Stokley’s dramatic opening week touchdown last year, but this link to the soundboard dedicated to the most joyously over-the-top announcer in all of sports (sorry, Chip Caray) is further testament to the man’s greatness.
“I live in an alternate universe. In my world, what has transpired at Notre Dame in the past week would spark around-the- clock discussion/debate and the kind of visceral outrage we witnessed when the media learned Tiger Woods liked what the rest of us like — strippers, waitresses, porn stars and party girls.”
“I Wanna Be Your Boyfriend” — The Rubinoos
So I heard that USC has actually cloned Reggie Bush?
She FIXES HER HAIR and then DRAINS THE THREE! Be still my heart and look out, Mr. President:
Gardler was one of the lucky Connecticut players chosen to shoot hoops with the president when the Huskies were invited to the White House after winning the NCAA Division I women’s national championship last spring.
The only problem was, Gardler was wearing sandals, not sneakers.
“I didn’t think we would be going out on the court,” Gardler said. “If we get invited back, I’ll make sure to bring basketball shoes with me this time.”
Well hooray! Yet another win for UConn and another title and—hey, how did that “capable ball-handler” of ours do? What’s that? She didn’t play?! No wonder it was the lowest-scoring championship game in history.
Whatever. The Times seemed to know who the star of the team was, especially since she’s the team’s best player when it comes to the ultra-white hot category of literacy:
“We don’t really get a whole lot of time for extra outside reading because you’re always reading for class and stuff like that,” Moore said. “So I like to read. But the best reader on the team is Meghan Gardler. She’s a fantastic reader. She reads thick books. I said, `You have to teach me to read faster, Meghan, because I apparently need to pick my reading speed-game up.”’
So … when’s the WNBA draft?
