Played 41 times [Flash 9 is required to listen to audio.]

“Master of Puppets” — Metallica


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OLD NEWS: The Wall Street Journal is read by the people who run the country. The Washington Post is read by people who think they run the country. The New York Times is read by people who think they should run the country. USA Today is read by people who think they ought to run the country but don’t really understand the Washington Post. They do, however, like their statistics shown in pie chart format. The Los Angeles Times is read by people who wouldn’t mind running the country, if they could spare the time—and if they didn’t have to leave LA to do it. The Boston Globe is read by people whose parents used to run the country and they did a far superior job of it, thank you very much. The New York Daily News is read by people who aren’t too sure who’s running the country, and don’t really care as long as they can get a seat on the train. The New York Post is read by people who don’t care who’s running the country, as long as they do something really scandalous, preferably while intoxicated. The San Francisco Chronicle is read by people who aren’t sure there is a country or that anyone is running it; but whoever it is, they oppose all that they stand for. The Miami Herald is read by people who are running another country but need the baseball scores. The National Enquirer is read by people trapped in line at the grocery store.

OLD NEWS:

  1. The Wall Street Journal is read by the people who run the country.
  2. The Washington Post is read by people who think they run the country.
  3. The New York Times is read by people who think they should run the country.
  4. USA Today is read by people who think they ought to run the country but don’t really understand the Washington Post. They do, however, like their statistics shown in pie chart format.
  5. The Los Angeles Times is read by people who wouldn’t mind running the country, if they could spare the time—and if they didn’t have to leave LA to do it.
  6. The Boston Globe is read by people whose parents used to run the country and they did a far superior job of it, thank you very much.
  7. The New York Daily News is read by people who aren’t too sure who’s running the country, and don’t really care as long as they can get a seat on the train.
  8. The New York Post is read by people who don’t care who’s running the country, as long as they do something really scandalous, preferably while intoxicated.
  9. The San Francisco Chronicle is read by people who aren’t sure there is a country or that anyone is running it; but whoever it is, they oppose all that they stand for.
  10. The Miami Herald is read by people who are running another country but need the baseball scores.
  11. The National Enquirer is read by people trapped in line at the grocery store.
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As long as I’m taking enjoyment in children’s misery this evening, I still consider this to be among the greatest professional wrestling segments of all time.

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For jmarie:

“It’s like a double triple standard, you know. It’s like I’m sayin’ it’s like double reverse racism times nine.”

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He’s singing for her in this video, but whatevs … today is the “The People’s Birthday.”

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“I declare this pizza to be … AWESOME!”

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Played 4 times [Flash 9 is required to listen to audio.]

passthemike:

brimichelle:

the doors - people are strange

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Played 413 times [Flash 9 is required to listen to audio.]

huskerdont:janitoroflunacy:teenagenemanurse:alexanderwilson:

Beck • Devil’s Haircut
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From back when pager companies actually had advertisements on tlevision, but whatevs:

“We’ve got chemistry here. You feel it?”
“I felt it.”
“All right, Janice!”
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I’ve been getting a lot of good stuff in the mail recently.

I’ve been getting a lot of good stuff in the mail recently.

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“This never stops being funny,” said a friend.

He’s right.

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Jane Krakowski still has my vote for best contribution ever to Esquire’s “Ten Things You Don’t Know About Women.” I still don’t know which one of these is my favorite: 1. When you break up with us, that means it’s over, and we will only sleep with you two or three more times. 2. When you’re talking dirty to us, call us a whore and not a prostitute. 4. Though we’re happiest in the company of gay men, we’re embarrassed when we marry one. 6. We find dark-colored sheets creepy. And they don’t conceal stains. 7. You shouldn’t pass up a three-way because you “love us too much.”

Jane Krakowski still has my vote for best contribution ever to Esquire’s “Ten Things You Don’t Know About Women.” I still don’t know which one of these is my favorite:

1. When you break up with us, that means it’s over, and we will only sleep with you two or three more times.

2. When you’re talking dirty to us, call us a whore and not a prostitute.

4. Though we’re happiest in the company of gay men, we’re embarrassed when we marry one.

6. We find dark-colored sheets creepy. And they don’t conceal stains.

7. You shouldn’t pass up a three-way because you “love us too much.”

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